Pushed Over the Edge
by helpthehermione's
Summary: Hermione is depressed. Living up to everyone's expectations is becoming too much for her to handle. She has started in the downwards spiral. Who will notice? Will anybody reach out and help her before it is too late? Graphic cutting in later chapters don't like don't read...Updated :)
1. Prologue

Do you know the difference between fiction and reality? In reality there is no knight in shining armour biding his time just waiting to save you. No one notices when you are at your lowest. No one has the time to care. Everyone is too busy living in their self-absorbed lives to notice what anybody else is going through. The main difference between fiction and reality is that reality sucks…

In the stories, someone always notices, it could be your best friend, your lover, your associate, your acquaintance or even your enemy. It doesn't matter. There is someone there watching your silent plea for help and worrying about you. Someone is there to help you get through it. Someone picks up the pieces of your life and gently sticks every single piece back together. Someone will help you to heal. That someone doesn't exist in reality. No one that selfless survives very long in reality. Life changes people. You learn to do as little as possible so you have time to do everything you planned. Helping people tends to take time and often they end up making you change plans. In reality helping people becomes disadvantageous to your personal success. In reality if you need help you have to ask. In reality people pretend that this is just temporary, 'just a phase you will grow out of.' In reality no one actually listens.

There are a lot of reasons why fictional stories were created; most people believe they are just a form of entertainment. Not me. I believe differently; I believe that they are the way people pass on messages to others about our mistakes and out triumphs. They created to show us how life should go if we lived in an ideal world. They are actually our salvation. Through them we are taught many things about life. Not only how we should live ours. How we should act. How we should choose friends. Even, how we should adapt to any unfortunate situations that we find ourselves in. Through fiction we are taught more about this world than any other person in our lives teaches us. Fiction is patient. Fiction is kind. Fiction is selfless.

Through stories we learn lessons. We choose either to adapt to the beliefs of the characters or to learn from their mistakes and not copy their ways. Through stories we not only get away from our problems, we learn to cope with other problems.

I am Hermione Granger and this is my story.

Many people believe that to turn out as I have you must have been abused in your early childhood or had some other major traumatic events in your life. I break this pattern, as so many other people do. We just go unnoticed. We go unheard. Our story doesn't break the headlines. Our story comes from the pressures placed on young people. Everyone is to blame their parents, their peers, their friends and their society. Society isn't ready for us to speak out. Society doesn't want to deal with its own problem. Society cannot handle a problem this big; it's a larger problem than people think. We are the way we are because of society, yet individuals look down upon us and offer us their pity nothing more and nothing less. Pity doesn't fix the fact that they pushed us too far, it doesn't help us heal. If anything it just pushes us away.

I am not perfect. I try my best but apparently that wasn't enough. I am Hermione and this is my story.


	2. Chapter 1

**For this fic's purpose I am going to pretend that sixth year is the last year at Hogwarts and thus head girl and head boy are chosen from Harry's year group.**

* * *

Today marks the last day in my Fifth year at Hogwarts. I can't really believe five years has gone by. I can easily remember my first train ride here, I was so nervous! I helped Neville find his toad and met Ron and Harry. In a way it also seems so long ago. I was so naive then. We all were. Times have changed. I have been witness to much more risky situations that your average fifteen year old.

This is the first year that I am not going home for the holidays. Due to the injuries we sustained last night at the Department of Mysteries Ron, Ginny, Neville, Luna, Harry and I are staying at Hogwarts these holidays. It is strange I always believed magic could fix anything. Magic can heal almost any muggle injury, no matter how bad it is. Magic cannot heal injuries made by magic. The curses themselves are reversed easily but the physical damage from the curse remains. As a result of the purple flame I was hit with, I have a huge gash in my chest that has been stitched up but needs to heal slowly the muggle way. I should research what this purple flame curse is.

I guess even magic has its limitations. I don't believe it will take the entire holidays to get us one hundred percent healed but I trust Dumbledore knows what he is doing. He probably just wants us around to help Harry. Harry, my heart dropped at that thought. You see Harry isn't doing so well. Don't judge him he just lost his only family member remaining. No one would be ok after that. I think something else happened though. The professors were talking about him in the hospital wing earlier this morning; apparently he trashed the headmaster's office and then tried to jump of the astronomy tower. I don't know the details yet. Harry has been asleep ever since, probably due to the dreamless sleep potion Madam Pomfrey gave him. Harry has never flipped out like that before. I can understand why everyone is so worried. I hope he is ok!

Harry woke up today! He seemed very down. I still can't believe he tried to kill himself. He has always been so strong before. He was my rock; he was sane when everyone else's worlds were crashing down. I'll talk to him. Maybe I will get through to him as he has got through to me so many times before. Suicide … that's not an easy topic to bring up in a conversation.

* * *

The break is nearly over now, just a few more days left until school starts back again. I am getting more anxious as every day goes on. Our OWL results are to be released any day now as well as the head girl and head boy positions. Oh I do hope I did well! I couldn't bare it if I let anyone down!

Harry has been given antidepressants to help him control his chronic depression. The media had a field day when they discovered what happened. Everyone has shown so much support for Harry he receives letters from people he doesn't even know telling him how much he means to them. He is getting the support he needs. Everyone is constantly fussing over him. Multiple times a day he is asked how is he feeling, does he want to talk, does he need anything. Mrs Weasley is the worst; on the days she visits she spends more time with Harry than both Ron and Ginny combined. I don't even get a hello anymore.

In a way it isn't fair. We all faced that day at the Ministry, sure we didn't lose as much as Harry or face Voldemort like he did. But we did go, we did fight, we weren't helpless. We were hurt; we are scared too; we haven't had help to face our daemons like Harry has; we haven't even been given a thought. We understand. We're used to it. I defiantly wouldn't wish to be in Harry's situation but it wouldn't hurt if we got a little bit of attention. I'm not being selfish. It's just that none of us are really coping. But as luck would have it no one actually cares. It is a shame they made Harry go on the drugs really. They make him so distant. He is a shell of what he used to be. It's not like he is gone obviously, but he seems to be less there, less able to watch, less able to see, less able to help as he always managed to do before.

We have all found our own way to cope with what we witnessed.

* * *

Ginny has taken to not eating very much. Just enough for none of the adults to notice and tell her off for being attention seeking. They are so blind; can't they see we are hurting? I think what she does eat she doesn't hold down. I can't prove anything though.

Ron has taken to drinking. He is hardly ever sober anymore. I am constantly worrying about him. He has also become more violent. I am not sure if that is because of the drinking or another coping mechanism.

Luna has taken to exercise. She is always doing some sort of exercise. I doubt you would recognise her for how much she has changed. She is built like a body builder now. Now she is strong. I doubt people will mess with her anymore or touch her stuff, let alone steal it. She has changed; she is no longer so carefree. There is a hardened glint to her eyes. I'm afraid she has been forced to grow up much too early. We all have, but Luna was the most sheltered, I think everything she has believed has come crashing down and the only way for her to cope is for her to constantly become stronger.

Neville is the most positively outcome of all of us. He has adopted smoking. Not the disgusting muggle type that slowly kill you, a magical type that Neville grows in the herbology gardens that helps to numb the thoughts that just won't go away. I tried one to see if it would help but although it isn't bad for you I didn't like the smoke in my lungs it felt scratchy and unpleasant. Plus afterwards you still smell like smoke. Neville has also been pouring himself into learning more about healing through his strengths in herbology. He has learned a lot and would probably pass the entry healer exams already not even finishing school. He is staying at school though he wants to help Harry to defeat Voldemort so everyone can move on with their lives not just him. I think it is quite noble of him.

Me I haven't really found an outlet yet I think that is what is causing me all the problems. I have no way to help with the feelings I am having. I have tried lots of things but they don't seem to help they just make me focus of those thoughts I am trying to avoid even more. Which is counterproductive if you ask me.

There is only one other outlet that I can think of. I haven't tried it yet as I don't think things have progressed to that stage yet. I think I am only ankle deep. That is why I am able to take charge and make sure everyone else as least has an outlet and is doing the best they can not to give up all hope entirely. I am doing the adults jobs that they don't notice needs doing.

I make everyone to come out any fly on the quidditch pitch at least once a day. It seems to cheer everyone up a little. Harry seems to wake up, even if it is only momentarily. I hate flying but I do it just to see how much happier everyone is when they are in the air, with the wind in the faces. It's like they are carefree just momentarily. All their worries just float away.

I wish it helped me like it helps them.

* * *

Tomorrow school starts again. A new year, with new challenges and experiences. Our final year at Hogwarts! I hope we come out of it in better shape than we did the last. If we don't I'm not sure how all of us will survive. If nothing picks up I'm not sure what will happen.

At the moment I am not sure how I am going to survive the month.

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**I can't believe how many people have taken the time to read my fic it amazes me. Thank you so much. I hope you enjoy this chapter.**


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